WOMANIFESTING

My name is Benita Robinson Osbey and this is my womanifesting story.

I am Kevin’s wife, Barbara’s daughter, Bennett and Barton’s sister, Willie Edward and Deborah’s niece, and Jeremy, Deven, Joel, Taylor, and Jordyn’s auntie. I am a cousin, Godmother, friend, classmate, UCLA graduate, ardent Obama supporter, diehard Lakers fan, dynamic Soror of Delta Sigma Theta Sorority Incorporated, and Christian woman of strong faith. I hope this is how people see me, and not as Benita with cancer. Cancer does not define me, it is something I live with, but it is not who I am.

March 1, 2011 will forever be etched in my mind. I was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer. I can remember that day like it was yesterday. What I had on and how I felt before I walked in to the Oncologist’s office. We were having an early spring, so it was a little warmer than it normally is in March. I still recall thinking, “I can’t be sick. Why I am going to see an Oncologist?” That day, I felt like a crisp spring salad with peaches and strawberries on top. Everyone knows I am a hybrid of California and Georgia, so I call myself a strawberry peach girl. In the words of my dear friend Meri Culp, I was looking “fruit sassy.” I had on the cutest dress with bright blossoming colors and some cute peep toe shoes. Because after all, this was some sort of mistake, I could not be sick. When the Oncologist said to me, “You have Ovarian Cancer,” my big brown eyes just stared at him as if he was speaking a foreign language. I remember him taking my hand, placing it on my lower abdomen and pelvis area and saying, “Couldn’t you feel that lump?” I told him, “No, because no one has ever told me to feel there. I have been taught to feel my breasts, in my armpit and even down my arm, but never my abdomen.” He then went to say, "Didn't you notice that your stomach had gotten larger. I turned to him with a head roll and replied, "All of me has gotten larger. My butt, legs, and hips. Why would my stomach getting larger be a cause for alarm?"

“No! This is not happening to me. I went to the doctor regularly,” was all I kept telling myself. A friend’s sister was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer in late 2009 and passed away in June 2010. I remember her telling us, as her sister was battling the disease, that her sister had not had a pap smear since the sister's kids were born, 15-20 years prior. Well, I didn't think I was at risk because I had a pap smear on a regular schedule. My OB/GYN had moved me to every other year since I had had a partial hysterectomy and was perimenopausal. So I go along on my merry way not thinking I was at risk. I prayed for her sister and her family. Kevin and I attended the funeral. Nine months later, I was diagnosed with the same thing. My diagnosis was slightly less advanced than her sister’s was. My cancer had spread to other parts of my abdomen but Praise God the cancer was not in the lymph nodes.

After being stunned and in a fog for weeks, I asked God, “Why me?” He whispered back, “Because you have a voice and I need you to speak for all the women who no longer have a voice or who don’t have the strength to speak.” I began to do more research and knew that God had given me a voice to speak up and speak out; to be an inspiration. I began to form a closer relationship with my oncologist, Dr. Alfred Jenkins, asking him question after question. When he informed me that you could not detect Ovarian Cancer with a pap smear, I was stunned. This was further evidence that I needed to become more vocal about Ovarian Cancer.

Five months into my journey, after a diagnosis of Stage 3 Ovarian Cancer, three surgeries including an ileostomy, 3 rounds of chemotherapy, a bald head, a fierce wig and some cute caps, I realized that I was pregnant with THE idea, my baby, TEAL BUTTERFLIES. Eight months in, I have had more chemo, minor setbacks, more surgeries, and some difficult days, but my baby continues to grow. TEAL BUTTERFLIES is on its way and soaring.

Before I share more about TEAL BUTTERFLIES, I would like to say thank you to my husband, Kevin Osbey, who has been my caregiver for the past 8 months. He has made me feel special and loved during my entire illness. I ask each of you to remember the caregivers in your prayers because the disease takes its toll on them as well. I cannot express enough thanks to my mom, Barbara Robinson Knox, who has travelled back and forth from California to Georgia, over and over again to be by my side. My Aunt Deborah, a health care professional, has been a sounding board and a cheerleader, asking everyone she meets to pray for me. My brothers, nephews and nieces have lifted my spirits on the days when my faith waned. My niece’s words, “Auntie , you are beautiful!” always brought a smile to my thinning face. My uncle, calling me just to check in and flying to Atlanta to take me home from the hospital, reminding me he brought me home from the hospital when I was born and he was there to bring me home again.

Tears come to my eyes when I speak of long-time girlfriend, Lori Blackwell, who flew out from Los Angeles to be with me during chemotherapy. My Atlanta bestie, Yolanda Owens, who has been there every step of the way; making sure we wanted for nothing and called everyone she knew to be at my 50th Hospital Birthday Party. Yes, I was in the hospital on my 50th birthday. My partner-in-crime, Tony Hunter, calls me every day just to see if I am okay and make me laugh. Then there is Regenia Cooper, who made sure we had house cleaning services during my illness.

Let me not forget two people who ha

ve been instrumental in providing me excellent care, Dr. Kyra Harvey, Primary Care Physician, and Dr. Alfred Jenkins, Gynecologic Oncologist. I thank God for Dr. Harvey. She did not dismiss my urinary tract infection as routine, went a step further during my examination, and sent me for further testing. There are not enough words that I can write that would sum up Dr. Jenkins. He is brilliant, knowledgeable, precise and honest. He saved my life. I know that I was probably one of his toughest patients and pried into his personal life one time too many, but I needed him to see me as a person and not just a patient. I think I accomplished that.

So many people have prayed for me: from the East Coast to the West Coast and the North and the South; my family, aunts, uncles, cousins, immediate and distant relatives, in-laws and extended; those I've known for a lifetime and a hot minute; friends who I met in Los Angeles and Atlanta; Pastor William Watley, Rev. Larry Jones, Retired Pastor George Moore, and the ministerial staff at Saint Philip AME; Reverends Robert Shaw, Anne Shaw, Robert Hendricks, Daryl Walker, John White III, and Kenneth Paden; church members from Saint Philip AME, First AME, St. James AME, New Philadelphia AME, New Testament Church of Christ Holiness, and Living Word Church of God In Christ; colleagues I worked with while working for the City of Los Angeles, the American Cancer Society, and Macy’s; classmates from Carson High and UCLA; my unwavering sorors of Delta Sigma Theta, especially the jewels on the mountain at Stone Mountain-Lithonia Alumnae Chapter; the dedicated men and women who work with my husband at Clayton County Water Authority; and all the wonderful people who I met on MyBarackObama.com, facebook, Womanifesting, and the Porch. It is because of the prayers of the many that I am able to share my journey. I am humbled and grateful for each and every person who is in my life and who has been on this journey with me. They have made the journey endurable.

More about TEAL BUTTERFLIES:

TEAL BUTTERFLIES was born as a voice for all the women who are no longer with us, as the wind for those who are still soaring and as an educational resource to prevent another woman from taking this journey. I am striving to use the voice that God has given me; and live by the words that many of us have heard sung in church on Sunday mornings: "If I can help somebody, as I pass along, if I can cheer somebody, with a word or song, if I can show somebody, how they're travelling wrong, then my living shall not be in vain." I am not sure what life holds for me, but what I am sure of is that you have to “cut the rope” from this disease, step into your destiny without doubt, take hold of your life, only looking toward what the future has to offer because God is still in control!

The Name:

TEAL is the color that represents Ovarian Cancer. BUTTERFLIES represent resilience. Butterflies go through many journeys as they soar. Those of us with this disease will go through various phases and journeys, but we will SOAR!

TEAL BUTTERFLIES was created as a vehicle to garner more attention to Ovarian Cancer and as a medium to increase awareness about the disease. It serves as an inspirational tool to share your hopes and success stories, as well as an opportunity to raise money for research and programs specifically focused on Ovarian Cancer. TEAL BUTTERFLIES is dedicated to educating women about early detection of Ovarian Cancer and empowering them with resources and information to become intimate with their bodies and bring awareness to the early symptoms of this disease.

TEAL BUTTERFLIES is working toward becoming a 501(c)3 organization. In the interim, we are working with other organizations, like the Georgia Ovarian Cancer Alliance, to raise funds for Ovarian Cancer awareness. September is designated as Ovarian Cancer awareness month and TEAL BUTTERFLIES accepted the challenge. On Friday, September 2, 2011, we participated in the National Wear Teal Day. People all across the country painted their towns teal from urban America to suburban American, from every hamlet to every hood, from the outhouse to the White House. Some put on a teal shirt, while others dolled up in a teal dress, painted their toe nails sparkly teal, or added a piece of teal jewelry to bring about Ovarian Cancer Awareness- the "other" silent killer. We also participated in an Overcome Ovarian Cancer Walk and raised $4100 dollars to help towards awareness. Team TEAL BUTTERFLIES consisted of approximately 20 dedicated walkers made up of family and friends, who donned their teal tee shirts, caps, and beads in my honor, waving teal pompoms as they canvassed the course. Additionally, we sponsored a Teal Toes Pedicure Party to bring about awareness. This is an event where friends get together and get teal pedicures as a vehicle to spark conversation about Ovarian Cancer. We had fun, made our toes cute, discussed Ovarian Cancer, and raised money. Each guest received a bag of goodies with Ovarian Cancer awareness information along with non-carcinogenic teal nail polish. This event raised enough money to purchase four Ovarian Cancer Bags of Hope for women who have been recently diagnosed.

If you would like to give hope to a woman who was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer, go to www.gaovariancancer.org and donate in my honor or in honor of someone else. You can also go to my website www.tealbutterflies.org and find other organizations to support. Also, check out my Teal Butterflies facebook page to stay abreast of Ovarian Cancer information and don’t forget to follow Teal Butterflie on Twitter.

TEAL BUTTERFLIES Tidbits:

Feel your abdomen and pelvic area! Become intimate with your body and not just your breasts!

Don’t just check the “girls”, also check the girls’ best friends ….your ovaries. Talk to your OB/GYN about early detection.

Ovarian Cancer is known as the “other” silent killer of women, most women being diagnosed at Stage 3 or Stage 4. Ovarian cancer accounts for approximately 3 percent of cancers in women. While the ninth most common cancer among women, ovarian cancer is the fifth leading cause of cancer-related death among women, and is the deadliest of gynecologic cancers.

Ovarian cancer symptoms:

• Pelvic and abdominal pain

• Urinary frequency and urgency

• Increased abdominal size and bloating

• Difficulty eating and feeling full

Other symptoms may include:

• Constipation or diarrhea

• Nausea

• Indigestion or gas

• Abnormal vaginal bleeding

• Unusual fatigue

• Unexplained weight loss or gain

• Shortness of breath

• Low back pain

Who is at risk for ovarian cancer?

• Women with close relatives with ovarian cancer, such as your mother, sister or daughter, especially if she was diagnosed before the age of 40. Having several family members with ovarian or breast cancer also increases risk.

• Women with a personal history of cancer of the breast, uterus, colon or rectum, or a family history of these cancers.

• Women over 55 years of age.

• Women who have never been pregnant.

• Women who have been taking estrogen after menopause for at least 10 years.

• Obese women, particularly if they carry excess weight around the waist.

• It used to be believed that fertility drugs increased a woman's risk of ovarian cancer. Using talcum powder in the vaginal area was also considered a possible risk factor, but neither of these is now felt to produce significant risk.

WOMANIFESTING (WOMA) hosted “WOMA’S 2nd Annual Mother’s Day Luncheon” on May 7, 2011 to support survivors of domestic violence who are clients of the non-profit WEAVE (Women Empowered Against Violence). This event was designed to uplift and encourage the women by providing them with support and encouragement in a relaxed, fun setting. Approximately 25 women and children attended the event. The program included a welcome by WOMA Founder and Executive Director Tracy Chiles McGhee and Deputy Director Lindsay Young, a catered lunch, a presentation of gifts and prizes, and impromptu dancing. And just like last year, everyone of all ages loved the teddy bears donated by Hugs Across America.

One attendee, Maria, stated “Gracias por el opoyo y por darnos fuerzas para sequir adelante y ensenarnos a que la vida es muy linda. (Translation:Thanks for the support and for giving us strength to move forward and teaching us that life is very beautiful.) Another attendee, Sally, added “Thoroughly enjoyed your presentations both last year and this year. Hope you continue to get sponsors for events like this. Thanks for sharing.” At the conclusion of the event, a very pleased McGhee stated that “WOMA will continue to partner with WEAVE and other organizations to produce events that promote self-empowerment, sisterhood, and service.”

WOMA would like to thank the event committee for their fruitful efforts: Lindsay Young (WOMA), Sasha Ariel Alston (WOMA), Liz Harens (WEAVE), and Anna Garcia (Corazon)

WOMA would also like to thank the following for in-kind and/or monetary donations: Africuria (caterer), Naline Salone, Helen Lewinski, Constance Young, Courtney Young, Michelle Morales, Hatshepsitu Tull, Caira Woods, and Samah Elsayed.

Event Photos: http://www.womanifesting.org/apps/photos/album?albumid=11542939

Resolution #1 – Dare To Womanifest Your Dreams Into Reality Through The Power of the Written Word

-Melissa Maddox-Barnes

            At the year’s end, we traditionally take time to reflect upon the year past and anticipate what is in store for the upcoming year. For some, conversations start centering on the infamous concept of “New Year’s Resolutions” as we share and compare our goals with one another. There are others, however, that have completely abandoned the concept and even with a flair of pride believe that they have no need for any tenuous “Resolutions”, resigning that the practice is artificial, illusory and does not effectuate true change.

            Is the writing of resolutions an artificial exercise? Yes and no.  First, we’ll start with the “Yes”. If you do not intend to make any changes, to improve your life or the lives around you,then resolution writing is absolutely an artificial exercise. In fact, I strongly encourage you not to waste time, nor energy writing any resolutions, nor reading anything further on the topic. Resolution writing is not advisablefor those that are content with their status quo.  You would not want to risk the possibility of having one of your resolutions come into fruition, for that would require some additional changes that you may not be ready for. So if you’re not ready for change, put the pen down…and slowly back away. 

            Now as to the “No”, drafting resolutions is an exercise that can lead to some significant changes in your life. On what basis you may ask? Well for starters, the written word is powerful.  The written word forms governments, conveys the laws of the land, begins and ends wars and secures peace in the form of treaties among nations.   On a more personal level, it serves as the foundation for many spiritual beliefs, begins and ends marriages, employment and business opportunities, determines ou rfinancial status and responsibilities and facilitates services for our health and well-being.  Even our educational and professional credentials are validated through degrees, certificates, etc.There are no significant occurrences in our lives that are not based upon some form of a written document.  The written word brings comfort, security and assurance. It can also invoke commitment, obligation and liability (hence, the hesitancy in resolution drafting).  Even in colloquial parlay, we usually do not consider an agreement or arrangement valid until we, “put it on paper.” Overall, documented words provide direction and guidance in how to perform the functions of our daily life.

             Imagine what life would be like if every activity we performed were based upon only word of mouth - if there were no written laws, no contracts, no employee handbooks, no manuals, no prescriptions, no deeds, no street signs, no educational degrees or licenses of any kind.  Of course, we would all like to contemplate life without letters from creditors, but even they have their value, as unbridled consumption with no accountability has a negative impact on personal lives and our economy.  If in all these areas and more, documents and the words that rest upon them bear such importance in determining our welfare, why then do we shy away from or even dismiss the process of writing down goals in order to move our lives in a particular direction? The answer lies in our understanding of how important weare to ourselves and to those around us. It is not that we do not believe written goals are important, for we operate in every other area of our lives around written goals and commitments.  It is more so our belief that we are not important enough to honor ourselves in that manner.

            You are not an afterthought. You matter and what you have to share with the world matters.  You have dreams and goals that will benefit those around you. As caretakers and nurturers, women tend to care for themselves last and not embrace how important their personal goals and dreams are.  In order to continue to serve ,uplift and inspire others you will need to feel inspired within yourself.Capturing your personal goals and vision for your life on paper helps you to stay motivated as you give to others.  It centers you and reaffirms purpose, especially when life’s curve balls arethrown at you.  How is that possible? Once we transcribe our thoughts, dreams or goals onto paper something happens.  The words are solemnized and somehow become official.  The thought then becomes a formalized idea, the idea can turn into plans, plans then can turn into actions and we have thereafter have potentially changed the trajectory of our lives in that particular area. 

            Are resolutions worth your time? The answer is an overwhelming…YES! Do you need to have goals for your life? Absolutely! The alternative is to have none and to remain subject to the whims of outside factors and persons.  Do you need to write them down? Most definitely! Why? Because you want to see them turn in reality. So let’s start by putting those goals or “Resolutions” on paper and wait and see the great things that are in store for your life.

           For those that need some extra motivation, below are a few practical tips to assist you.Resolution Writing Made Easy The WOMA Way: Choose from areas below and decide upon two goals for each area. One goal should reflect how you intend to develop your brilliance in that area and another goal should reflect how you plan to share your brilliance with those around you in 2011. WOMA is here to support you along the way.

1)      Health & Wellness

2)      Career Development

3)      Financial Literacy

4)      Civic & Cultural Engagement

5)      Empowerment for Girls

Best wishes for optimal womanifesting in 2011!

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Melissa Maddox-Barnes serves as Interim Chairperson on the Womanifesting, Inc., Board of Directors and is a passionate advocate for the empowerment of women and children. Ms. Maddox-Barnes is the General Counsel for the Housing Authority of the City of Charleston, SC which administers affordable housing programs for low to moderate income persons.

Tis’ The Season To Gain Awareness about Domestic Violence:

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

-- Melissa Maddox-Barnes

Autumn is a favorite time of year for many. As the holiday season begins and the year draws to an end, it is customary for us to take a little time, reflect and give thanks for the things that are important to us such as family, friends, relationships, our health and overall well-being. As we count our own blessings, let us consider that there are families and individuals in crisis due to a very serious and sometimes deadly ill that is prevalent in our society, domestic violence. Domestic violence is a crime, but unfortunately it is one that many turn a blind eye to because it is considered a personal or family matter.

According to the U.S. Department of Justice, it is described as a “pattern of abuse in any relationship that is used by one partner to gain or maintain power or control over another intimate partner”,

http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/domviolence.htm . The term “any” means just that, it is any form of physical, emotional, psychological, economic or sexual abuse or threats of abuse. “Any” also refers to any form of intimate relationship, spouse, familial, dating and same-sex. Domestic violence incidents occur irrespective of race, national origin, sexual orientation, age, educational or socio-economic background. In the United States alone,

· Approximately 1.3 million women and 835,000 men are physically assaulted by an intimate partner annually.

· Over 1,006,970 women and 370,990 men are stalked annually.

· 34% of women were victims of sexual coercion by a husband or intimate partner in their lifetime.

· Approximately one in five female high school students reports being physically and/or sexually abused by a dating partner.

· Fifty to eighty percent of teens report knowing someone involved in a violent relationship. *

* Statistics available at the American Bar Association’s website at http://new.abanet.org/domesticviolence/Pages/Statistics.aspx#prevalence

In light of these harrowing statistics, increased efforts are necessary in order to bring awareness to this issue. We ask that you TAKE ACTION during the month of October. Why get involved? Because it is very likely that one of your co-workers, clients or customers, classmates or family members may be suffering in silence. Below are just a few steps you can take to bring awareness.

· Print the official poster in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month from the Department of Justice and post it in your places of business, churches, organizations, neighborhood community centers, social service agencies and schools. The poster is available at http://www.ovw.usdoj.gov/images/OVWposter_websmall.jpg.

· Contact a local advocacy group or victim’s shelter and ask what types of donations in items and/or services are needed. Domestic violence shelters can always use paper products, cleaning supplies, food, clothing and toiletries for their residents. Counseling services are also always in demand for domestic violence matters.

· Become a volunteer legal advocate on domestic violence issues. The American Bar Association’s (ABA) Commission on Domestic Violence offers a number of methods in which attorneys can volunteer to combat domestic violence. If you are an attorney, contact the ABA to find out how you can volunteer at http://new.abanet.org/domesticviolence/Pages/default.aspx.

· Contact The National Women’s Health Information Center at http://www.womenshealth.gov/violence/state/

to find out more information about domestic violence prevention efforts in your state.

As you consider how you want to help, reflect on the words of our President Barack Obama, the first President to issue a proclamation in recognition of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Let the words inspire you to learn more about this issue and contribute towards its prevention. No matter how small your action is, you can make a difference and possibly save a life.

The White House

Office of the Press Secretary

For Immediate Release

October 01, 2010

Presidential Proclamation--National Domestic Violence Awareness Month

NATIONAL DOMESTIC VIOLENCE AWARENESS MONTH, 2010

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA

A PROCLAMATION

In the 16 years since the passage of the Violence Against Women Act (VAWA), we have broken the silence surrounding domestic violence to reach thousands of survivors, prevent countless incidences of abuse, and save untold numbers of lives. While these are critical achievements, domestic violence remains a devastating public health crisis when one in four women will be physically or sexually assaulted by a partner at some point in her lifetime. During Domestic Violence Awareness Month, we recognize the tremendous progress made in reducing domestic violence, and we recommit to making everyone's home a safe place for them.

My Administration is committed to reducing the prevalence of domestic violence. Last year, I appointed the first-ever White House Advisor on Violence Against Women to collaborate with the many Federal agencies working together to end domestic violence in this country. Together with community efforts, these Federal programs are making important strides towards eliminating abuse.

The landmark Affordable Care Act also serves as a lifeline for domestic violence victims. Before I signed this legislation in March, insurance companies in eight States and the District of Columbia were able to classify domestic violence as a pre existing condition, leaving victims at risk of not receiving vital treatment when they are most vulnerable. Now, victims need not fear the additional burden of increased medical bills as they attempt to protect themselves and rebuild their lives.

Individuals of every race, gender, and background face domestic violence, but some communities are disproportionately affected. In order to combat the prevalence of domestic violence and sexual assault in tribal areas, I signed the Tribal Law and Order Act to strengthen tribal law enforcement and its ability to prosecute and fight crime more effectively. This important legislation will also help survivors of domestic violence get the medical attention, services, support, and justice they need.

Children exposed to domestic violence, whether victims or witnesses, also need our help. Without intervention, they are at higher risk for failure in school, emotional disorders, substance abuse, and perpetrating violent behavior later in life. That is why my Administration has launched the "Defending Childhood" initiative at the Department of Justice to revitalize prevention, intervention, and response systems for children exposed to violence. The Department of Health and Human Services is also expanding services and enhancing community responses for children exposed to violence.

Ending domestic violence requires a collaborative effort involving every part of our society. Our law enforcement and justice system must work to hold offenders accountable and to protect victims and their children. Business, faith, and community leaders, as well as educators, health care providers, and human service professionals, also have a role to play in communicating that domestic violence is always unacceptable. As a Nation, we must endeavor to protect survivors, bring offenders to justice, and change attitudes that support such violence. I encourage victims, their loved ones, and concerned citizens to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1 800-799-SAFE or visit: www.TheHotline.org.

This month -- and throughout the year -- let each of us resolve to be vigilant in recognizing and combating domestic violence in our communities, and let us build a culture of safety and support for all those affected.

NOW, THEREFORE, I, BARACK OBAMA, President of the United States of America, by virtue of the authority vested in me by the Constitution and the laws of the United States, do hereby proclaim October 2010 as National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. I call on all Americans to speak out against domestic violence and support local efforts to assist victims of these crimes in finding the help and healing they need.

IN WITNESS WHEREOF, I have hereunto set my hand this first day of October, in the year of our Lord two thousand ten, and of the Independence of the United States of America the two hundred and thirty-fifth.

BARACK OBAMA

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Melissa Maddox-Barnes serves on the Board of Directors for Womanifesting, Inc. Ms. Maddox-Barnes is a volunteer legal advocate for domestic violence issues and a state-wide Project Coordinator for the Voices Against Violence Committee of the South Carolina Bar Association Young Lawyers Division which educates attorneys on issues related to domestic violence and serves as a

community resource for victims and victim advocates.

WOMA

WOMA volunteered at Prevention Works in August. The mission of Prevention Works is to curb the spread of HIV and other blood-borne diseases among injecting and other drug users, their sexual partners, and their children. We made safer sex kits and wound care kits. In just a few hours,we made a big impact assembling 350 kits to be distributed to the community.